Stop boring your donors. Do this instead.
Did you know that your perfectly polished fundraising appeals might be doing more harm than good?
You know the ones. The grammar is perfect. The language has been approved by committee. Facts and figures are everywhere.
Those appeals may be “professional” but they also fail to create human connection.
And fundraising without human connection is just … asking for money.
I get it. I’ve fallen into the “professional writing” trap more times than I care to admit. And I guarantee those appeals went straight to the trash.
No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “You know what? I hope the nonprofit I love sends me an appeal full of boring committee-approved technical writing today.”
Probably no one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I hope the nonprofit I love sends me an appeal today”period, but the job is what the job is.
Do you know what people DO wake up wanting (even if they don’t always articulate it)?
They wake up wanting to feel something. To matter. To make a difference.
Here are two ways you’re probably boring your donors.
1. Institutional language instead of human stories
Which of these would you rather read?
“Our organization provided material assistance to 457 families experiencing food insecurity in the third quarter, representing a 12% increase over the previous year.”
Or:
“When Christy walked through the door of our food pantry last Tuesday, her shoulders were slumped with the weight of trying to feed her three children on a single income. She left with a week’s worth of groceries and something even more valuable – hope.”
The first example might impress a group of insiders at a conference. The second example will move people to give.
Clinical, jargon-laced institutional language creates distance.
It’s safe, sterile, and forgettable.
But one story about one human? It’s vulnerable, emotional, and memorable.
And that creates connection.
Most people don’t give to statistics. They give to people with names, faces, and struggles they can understand.
How to fix it:
- For every statistic, find a story that brings it to life
- Include direct quotes from the people you serve
- Use sensory details that help people visualize the impact
- Focus on one person rather than groups whenever possible
Stories are more than a nice additions … they’re the main event.
Next mistake?
2. Focusing on organizational needs instead of donor impact
Have you ever received an appeal that sounds like this?
“We need your support to meet our year-end budget goals. Your donation will help us continue our important work in the community.”
No one cares about your budget goal.
They care about what their gift will accomplish in the world.
They care about change, impact, and doing something that matters.
When you focus on what your organization needs, you put yourself at the center of the story.
When you focus on the impact a donor can make, you put THEM at the center.
Which is more compelling?
“We need $50,000 to fund our afterschool program.”
Or:
“Your gift of $100 will give a child like Jamie a safe place to go after school for an entire month, so that he can get the homework help he needs to stay on track for graduation.”
The first asks the donor to solve your problem. The second invites them to be a hero.
How to fix it:
- Rewrite every “we need” statement as a “you can create” opportunity
- Use “so that” to connect gifts directly to outcomes
- Be specific about what different gift amounts will accomplish
- Paint a picture of the world your donors are helping to create
Donors are not ATMs.They’re partners in your mission who want to make a meaningful difference.
Okay, what can you do?
Pick an appeal you’ve sent in the last three months and highlight every instance where you:
- Used institutional language instead of human stories
- Focused on organizational needs instead of donor impact
Now rewrite it, transforming those sections using the principles above.
What changes? How does the energy shift when you take off your insider goggles and write for an outsider with simple, direct, emotional language?
Donors want to feel something. They want to be moved, inspired, and invited into a story where they can make a difference.
Stop boring them, and watch what happens.
What small change can you make today to bring your appeals to life?
