The coffee meeting isn't fooling anyone.
Have you ever scheduled a visit with a donor where you intended to ask them for a gift by saying something like,
“Hey, I’d love to grab coffee sometime. I want to hear how things are going and give you an update on what’s happening with the organization.”
Sounds harmless, right? Friendly, even.
But here’s what you didn’t say,
“I want to invite you to make a gift.”
That was the real reason for the meeting. You knew it. And thirty minutes into coffee, when you finally worked up the nerve to pivot from small talk to the ask( assuming you didn’t lose your nerve)… they knew it too.
We’ve all done this.
We’ve all set up visits under false pretenses because we thought it would be easier to ask once we were face-to-face. Or maybe we had a visit number to hit. Or we convinced ourselves that if we could just get in front of them, we’d be able to magically judo chop them into a gift.
When we hide our intent like that, we’re not building a relationship. We’re setting a trap. The donor walks in expecting a friendly catch-up. Then somewhere after we’ve both had a few sips of coffee, the real agenda comes out. Now they feel ambushed, and you feel guilty.
Nobody wins.
What if we tried something different?
What if we just told them up front why we wanted to meet and let them decide for themselves if they’re interested?
Now let me be clear… there are countless reasons to meet with a donor.
You might want to thank them in person. Share an impact update. Deepen the relationship. Learn more about what they care about.
Not every visit includes an ask, nor should it.
But when the purpose of the visit is to invite someone to give?
Always be candid about your intent.
Try this script the next time you’re scheduling an ask visit:
“Hey Michael, could we schedule a time to meet sometime? I’d like to tell you more about _______ and invite you to consider a gift to make it happen.”
That’s it. Simple. Honest. Done.
Why does this work? At least three reasons.
1. It names the problem or project you want them to consider helping fund.
That blank is important. Fill it with something specific.
“…our foster care mentoring program.”
“…an effort to bring clean water to three more communities this year.”
Give them something real to picture before they ever sit down with you.
2. It signals an ask is coming, so they don’t feel ambushed.
No more bait-and-switch. No more pretending the meeting is about something it’s not.
You’ve told them exactly why you want to meet, and now they can make an informed decision about whether to say yes.
3. It gives them a choice.
“Invite you to consider” is low pressure. You’re not demanding. You’re not cornering anyone. You’re opening a door and letting them decide if they want to walk through it.
This script takes the fact that we want to invite them to give (the part we all try to hide) and puts it right up front.
Now the meeting isn’t a trap. It’s a conversation between two adults who both know exactly why they’re there.
And if they agree to meet after hearing this, you can walk in with real confidence.
Because when someone knows you want to talk about a gift and they still say yes to the meeting?
They’re almost certainly already considering saying yes.
So here’s my challenge for you next week.
Think about the next person you want to visit with about a gift.
And instead of hiding behind a coffee invite, be honest about your intent and try this script:
“Hey Michael, could we schedule a time to meet sometime? I’d like to tell you more about _______ and invite you to consider a gift to make it happen.”
You might be surprised at how much better the whole conversation goes when nobody’s pretending.