This one conversation forever changed my convictions about fundraising.
It was supposed to be an ordinary stewardship visit.
I’d been building the relationship with him for a few years, sending updates every few months, and we’d met one-on-one at least once a year.
My plan for this visit was simple: ask a few questions, listen to his answers, express gratitude, deepen the relationship a bit, and let him know about the results of a program he’d supported a few months earlier.
Within a few minutes, my agenda flew entirely out the window.
After a little small talk, he asked, “How much have we been giving you all the last few years?”
Before I could answer, he stood up, walked quickly across his large office, and pulled a file folder off his bookshelf with the word “GIVING” scrawled in black magic marker on the cover.
As he walked back my way, he answered his own question, “$20,000 a year.”
What happened next took me totally by surprise.
Without really thinking about it, I asked, “Is that the right amount to be asking you to give?”
He paused, “You know… no one’s ever asked me that before.”
He then gave me a masterclass on what it’s like to be on the giving side of a major gift relationship.
He told me he regularly gets asked to give amounts that are LESS than what he was considering giving.
“Sometimes I’m thinking about giving someone $10,000 when they ask me for $2500, and so I give them $2500.”
Almost no one ever over-asked him.
He also explained that it was nearly impossible to offend him by asking for too much.
“If you ask for more than I can give, I’ll either laugh because I’m flattered you think so highly of my financial position, or if it feels just beyond my reach, I’ll try to find a way to make it work… Usually, I can.”
After a few minutes, I realized he still hadn’t answered my original question.
When it was appropriate, I asked again, “How much should we be asking you to give?”
My question was followed by what felt like one of the most awkward and protracted silences I’ve ever experienced.
It was probably only 7 seconds, but it felt like 7 minutes.
He finally responded, “You could ask me for $50,000, and I wouldn’t blink.” 😳 😳
[he paused before continuing]
“I’m not telling you I’d say yes, but you could definitely ask.”
And so I did.
“Would you consider a gift of $50,000?”
He smiled and told me he’d look at his finances, think about it, and get back to me.
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How much did he end up giving?
$40,000.
It was not the $50,000 he gave me permission to ask for, but it was the largest gift he’d ever given us.
The day that $40,000 check arrived, something hit me.
Up to that point in my fundraising career, I’d been playing it safe. I hadn’t been bold or courageous enough in my relationships with givers.
I’d been too worried about offending people.
Not anymore.
Over the next few months, I asked several people I’d been building relationships with a similar version of the same question.
Without exception, they all answered the same way and gave me permission to ask for more.
These conversations weren’t limited to $$$ amounts either:
“You’ve been giving to a specific program. Is that the right thing to be inviting you to support?”
“You’ve sponsored our gala for the last four years. Is that how you want to continue giving?”
“You’ve given every year for the last ten years. Many people who give as regularly as you have included us in their will. Is that something you’ve ever considered doing?”
“We normally ask you to support the ongoing work of existing programs. Is that right, or would you ever be interested in helping launch something new?”
One couple told me they preferred to make 3-year commitments and asked if we might be open to them doing that with us! 😂🤣
(in case you’re wondering, the answer was yes!)
Clarifying questions like these aren’t intrusive or offensive.
If asked in the context of a relationship, they communicate care and a desire to help someone make the most of their giving.
Are you too worried about offending people?
Try asking a question like one of these the next time you’re visiting with a giver, and see what happens.
The odds are good you won’t offend them. And who knows?
You might even end up with a 3-year gift commitment.
